Ya, I Said It, The Corvette Z06 is Too Fast

"flying lap" (flyinglap) 04/10/2015 at 09:40 • Filed to: None

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0 to 60 in what, 2 seconds? What’s after that, ass-rammed in jail? “ Ugh, officer, my dump truck business did very well this year so I bought me a Z06 and I was just testing-her-out ”. What’s wrong with a base C7? 0 - 60 in 3.7 seconds, top speed 181 mph. Does any mortal other than Randy Pobst need a Z06? Well, yes, there are in fact a select few who absolutely need this car. You’ve meet this guy, he’s usually wearing a sweat suit, but never going to the gym. He also couldn’t afford a 911 Turbo, so he went with the Vette, and brags that’d he never buy a foreign car. “ I only buy Murican, screw those foreigners, my dad was in Pearl Harbor ”.

Here’s a list of what that extra awesome 190 horsepower over a base C7 gets you:

Bragging Bights - Because in all your narcissism god forbid someone has a car with more hp than yours. If you’re at Hooters eating wings and flirting with underage mediocre girls dressed in 1970's roller skate shorts and somebody says “ my Vette has close to 500hp ”, you put down your cigarette and proudly boast “ my Vette has 650hp! Take your Ford and shove it! ”

Louder, More Effective Burnouts When Leaving The Dealership - Because you love being the asshat that demolishes a fresh set of 335/35/20's. Because money is so unimportant that spending a grand “ ain’t nothing ”.

Buying The Corvette Jacket With Z06 Embroidery - Because buying the regular jacket would mean you have the regular Vette. And who wants that? At a paltry 460hp your image would be chattered. Genuine leather here too, folks.

Drag Racing Supremacy - How many times have you heard “ with slicks, exhaust, and a tune, my Z runs low-10's ” I’m sure the engineers at Chevrolet are proud of all that chassis work; t housands of hours spent making this thing handle like a BMW  and every wanna-be is putting slicks on it. I’m confident I could train a chimpanzee to drag race.

GMAC Financing - Yes, you can flip twenty thousand negative equity from your previous base Corvette and own the car of your dreams. 84 month financing available. With a 560 beacon to boot.

Flyinglap aka Joe knows more useless car information than anybody. He owns every Car & Driver since 1986. His 11 year old son knows the difference between an E24 and E28. His 7 year old son says “gai-ar-doh” not “gah-lar-doh” .

Roadster Man > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:43

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For real though, auto loan financing is at very low interest rates lately. That'll be a driving factor in these new ZO6 sales.

See what I did there?

StingrayJake > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:43

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You're so edgy.

flying lap > StingrayJake 04/10/2015 at 09:44

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In all my banter, I still want a Z06 too.

turbojames > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:45

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But them lap times... but dat wing...

flying lap > turbojames 04/10/2015 at 09:46

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and that magnesium....

random001 > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:46

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"Too fast" Is that even a real thing?

505Turbeaux > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:47

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In America, if my dick swings lower than yours, I am better

Extrapolate this equation to cars

BOOM, there is your answer

E. Julius > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:48

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turbojames > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:48

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And dat supacharger tho

flying lap > turbojames 04/10/2015 at 09:49

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and dat hood scoop....

DoYouEvenShift > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:50

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You can also train them to fly in space.

flying lap > DoYouEvenShift 04/10/2015 at 09:52

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No s**t - LOL

flying lap > 505Turbeaux 04/10/2015 at 09:54

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So, in your opinion, z06 is the lowest dick-swinging car? If that's the case, I tend to agree, sir.

WesBarton89 - The Way to Santa Fe > random001 04/10/2015 at 09:58

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It is with women.

Alfalfa Romeo > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 09:58

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I'd just take a C4. But that's mainly because I'm poor.

Oh what the hell, I'll just trade in the family car and finance a Z06 for 72 months. Merica.

Party-vi > 505Turbeaux 04/10/2015 at 09:59

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Mine doesn't swing, it sort-of just drags along the ground, making ruts. I have also used it to clean gutters and stir drinks from across the room.

flying lap > Alfalfa Romeo 04/10/2015 at 10:00

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go 84, or maybe they offer 96 months?

505Turbeaux > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 10:00

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for the money, yes. You get into anything higher priced and it is a different story.

Stingray you got about 3" limp dong hanging

Z06 you got about 4

505Turbeaux > Party-vi 04/10/2015 at 10:01

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BRB I got a fire to put out all the way across the street

turbojames > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 10:02

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and dem wheelz

DoYouEvenShift > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 10:03

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Lets train this guy to drive that Z on the ring.

macanamera > 505Turbeaux 04/10/2015 at 10:03

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in that case, I'm the best

flying lap > 505Turbeaux 04/10/2015 at 10:03

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So what's a Mustang, 2"?

macanamera > 505Turbeaux 04/10/2015 at 10:04

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brb I need to adjust the Hubble space telescope real quick

Party-vi > macanamera 04/10/2015 at 10:06

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"Space is cold"

"and deep"

random001 > WesBarton89 - The Way to Santa Fe 04/10/2015 at 10:06

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I must take this under advisement...

505Turbeaux > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 10:06

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depends on the Stang, starts at micropenis and goes from there

nermal > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 10:11

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I think a lot of the issue comes down to usability on the street. A huge part of that is gearing.

If my memory is correct, these things are geared to reach 60 mph in 1st. That means 2nd will be good to 80-90 mph.

So, if you want to explore the upper limits of the tach, you need to either be in 1st, be in danger of losing your license, or be on a track. Seems dumb for a road car. Plus, for "spirited" road driving, that effectively reduces the 7 spd to a 1 or 2 spd, since you can just leave it in 2nd and never shift. Sounds boring.

I'd love one of these for a track car. For a road car, no thanks.

flying lap > nermal 04/10/2015 at 10:14

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wow, you kicked the serious note. You're right, though. The point of my stupid satire is exactly that. There's no point to a Z06 on the streets, other than bragging rights.

99% of owners aren't racing them in any form.

Textured Soy Protein > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 10:41

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The "it has so much capability you can't even use on the street" knock applies to almost any modern performance car.

The base model hairdresser special Mustang, Camaro and Challenger all have 300+ hp. All we really need for getting around town is a 140-180 hp econobox or family sedan. Why bother with all these silly cars with more than that when we have 55 mph speed limits and the more powerful cars just get worse gas mileage?

I'll tell you why. Because they're fun. Overkill is fun.

I don't need my 135is and its 320 hp, 6-piston brakes, loudass exhaust and seats with power adjustable side bolsters (they grip me tighter for drifting, bro) to commute to work and bombing around the occasional country back road.

I don't need my Grand Cherokee and its Hemi, 3 electronically controlled limited slip differentials, beefy all-terrain tires and 12 mpg just to get through Wisconsin winters and provide enough room to carry the occasional piece of old furniture my gf finds at a garage sale.

But I have them and I like them and you'll have to pry my car keys from my cold, dead hands.

MURRICA.

(Just be careful about using launch control on public roads .)

tifosi3317 > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 10:47

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http://www.corvetteforum.com/forums/c7-z06-…

10.77 on street tires. High 9s with all you listed....:)

flying lap > tifosi3317 04/10/2015 at 11:04

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unreal.

iSureWilll > 505Turbeaux 04/10/2015 at 11:22

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That's called a clitoris I think.

TahoeSTi > flying lap 04/10/2015 at 13:53

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Why are you here then? It's sounds like it's almost fast enough.

XSeriesWalkingDead > nermal 04/10/2015 at 14:17

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I have to agree with you. I get a new car about every 4 to 5 months. (It's work related, put a certain number of miles on them and turn them in, pick up the next one.) Anyway, the BMW's have a setting that shows h.p. and torque in real time. For driving around in normal conditions, the engine rarely exceeds producing about 80 hp regardless of whether its a 240 h.p. 4 cylinder or a 300 h.p. 6 cylinder. Currently driving a Mini Cooper Countryman S. It has more h.p. than Corvettes or the 80's, which means for commuting its overkill by at least 50 h.p. and a blast to drive. Haven't had it long enough to drive it hard. The car hasn't seen redline yet.

XSeriesWalkingDead > 505Turbeaux 04/10/2015 at 14:23

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Almost sprayed coffee all over the monitor and keyboard!

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > flying lap 06/14/2015 at 14:37

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I can’t help but think there’s a twinge of jealousy to this post...the Z06 is an entirely different car to the base car. There’s also plenty of cars that are even faster than the Z06.

If you don’t want one, then you don’t have to buy one, that’s sort of the stance I take.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > random001 06/14/2015 at 14:37

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Never.

flying lap > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment 06/14/2015 at 15:08

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I can assure you, there’s no jealously between me, and the king of redneck-dom. I’m jealous of plenty of other shit, though...

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > flying lap 06/17/2015 at 00:55

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Fair enough. I’m not a Corvette guy at all, so I get that part.